heartnet
Are you doing alright? Are you getting along well with mom? It's 10 years since you've joined her huh. I still don't understand what you were despairing over. You were the brother I was always boasting about. The 10-year gap between us almost made you feel like my kid. Always optimistic, always a joker, intelligence that made mom proud. Now I realize you weren't always laughing under your mask. I'm sorry your older brother is like this. It's going to be a while before I join you and mom. When it's time I want you guys to meet me there. Let's eat pizza together like we always used to. To my beloved brother and mother.no good brother
male
chiba prefecture
30's
2023/2/2 16:38
To who I love most in this world. I want to meet you. When they told me treatment isn't possible, when dad told me, when I felt your coldness. What am I supposed to do? I lived with you my entire life. How am I supposed to live without you? I want to meet you. When I was facing uncertainty you were always there. I want to meet you. I want to talk to you. Even once is enough. Even if I cry or wish I was dead you'd be sad over that wouldn't you? When I had to shave the hair I was taking care of. When you couldn't move because of the abdominal fluid. I was watching you get weaker and I couldn't do anything. Your arm getting thinner and thinner. Your face turning more gaunt. I couldn't do anything. I want to meet you. I want to talk to you. It's almost 1 year. Are you watching me mom? I only have gratitude. Forever, until I die, after I die, I love you. I love you more than anyone in this world. I want to meet you in the next world.2023/2/1 1:30
It'll be almost a year. Since you've crossed over. I've been living normally but everyday the tears come. Everytime I spot a girl the same age as you I always think you're so much cuter. Whenever I get DMed pictures of coming-of-age ceremonies I always think you would look good in that kimono. Honestly I don't want to see or hear anything. I can't stay fallen so I move automatically. I just pray in front of the shrine that you're doing well over there. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you over here. I want you yo ask me "mama, what's for dinner?" again. Even if I mislead my emotions in all kinds of ways days without you are still painful. aichi prefecture
40's
2023/1/31 16:57
It's difficult to forgive people. A person, one of the causes for my brother's death is still alive. Landing in a competent company, spoiled by his family. I was told what kind of person he was by my brother. He's just someone missing something fundamental to being human. I can only resent him. Anything else is a waste of time. Still, I often think he should die already.female
50's
20231/28 21:14
My treasure. Everday, throughout the day I think about you. Even when you were busy you helped me out. You'd even cook us food sometimes. I was really happy. Thank you. Shopping, driving around, travelling, we did that together often didn't we. You were my son but also my friend. My friend said you did a lifetime of family carergiving. the amount of love I had for you... I'm sad. Even now it seems like you'll come back saying "I'm home!" I often fantasize about you opening the front door. In the evenings I stand in front of it, imagining. My considerate, important, important son. I want to see you. I want to see you.female
2023/1/28 10:46
I loved you, why did you have to suddenly die? I should've said I loved you even though I can't because you're my brother. If people learn the importance of something after losing it then they should never learn at all. Lonely, I want to meet you. I want to meet you. Why did you die without telling me anything? We were always together from the moment we were born. If there was something painful I should've listened with full attention. If there's someone you hate, hate them with everything you've got. I should've hugged you. I wanted to talk more. I wanted to eat food together. I wanted to take you out to dinner with my first paycheck. It's painful. I wanted to find everything you hated, I wanted to protect you. I wanted to protect you. female
20's
2023/1/25 23:22
I just have regrets. It was bothering me so I reached out. It was normal that you wouldn't respond immediately but I should've been more aggressive. Something might've changed. Their life might've continued, we could've been together right now. I'm sorry. I only have regrets. I wonder when the "we'll meet again" is going to come true. I want to meet you.2023/1/24 21:35
I don't know why my parenting led to someone choosing to die. I don't know why they grew up to feel that it was their only option. I can't confront your death. The only reason I'm breathing is to show the remaining kids that I'm living life with all I've got. I'm the mother of a child who has committed suicide. I don't know if I can call myself a mother. I should've taught them the preciousness of life. This reality means I wasn't. Living is painful. But I need to continue living. I'm tired. female
ishikawa prefecture
50's
20231/14 20:57
nonchan. If you were still here you'd be 36. Happy birthday. I sent mail but it didn't reach you. When can we meet again. I want to meet you again. Dreaming about the day we meet again, I'll be waiting. 2023/1/24 12:39
The person I love died suddenly from heart failure. 32 years old. They died alone. I thought we'd be together forever. I cry every day thinking I won't be able to meet him again for decades. We were together for 13 years, from when I was 19. It's painful. The last time we met I acted selfish and cold. I regret that. Everywhere I go is full of memories with him. Today I got invited by a friend to go somewhere. I held back my tears in front of her but we were somewhere full of memories and I just wanted to die. I came home furiously crying on my bicycle. People around me say that time solves everything but everyday my sorrow and regret only grows. I want to be reunited, I want to hold hands, I want to wholeheartedly burst out laughing, I want to hug with all my might, I want him to be returned to me. When I die I want him to come see me. And I want to fall in love with him again. female
ehime prefecture
30's
2023/2/4 21:41
He was my ex-husband. I still vividly remember the night I told him. Between us we have one son. He was still in middle school, it was a hot summer night. His birthday was a few days away. He chose to die. My son and I, we felt that even after the divorce we would all be strongly joined in spirit. He left us. Even though we were separate we both propped up our families. I still wanted us to live on the same world, carving out our different lives. I just wish he was still alive.female
40's
2023/2/3 23:22
to Tattchan. It's been 49 days since you've committed suicide, almost 2 months. You cried easily, you were considerate, you had a strong sense of responsiblity, you were a perfectionist. You always thought of other people and you taught us a lot. There were several years between us, you were childlike but someone I could look up to. You were troubled by your mother and older sister for a long time. Your mother deeply immersed in religion still doesn't understand that you're gone. You were used by her at a young age, you never got regular meals, it was a difficult life wasn't it. Even when I was beside you, your shield, I'd get you in trouble and apologize. Everyone who knew your warmth, my parents and siblings, the neighbors, your co-workers, everyone was crying. At the very least to be free of that venomous mother and years of suffering has to be some sort of reprieve. Someone like you has to go to heaven. At least in the next life, I hope you don't meet that mother and that sister. In the next life I'll find you. Wait until I get there.female
40's
2023/1/23 16:17